Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Know

Recently I wrote about a writing opportunity that had come my way, I was very excited about, and ended before it ever began. In my heart I knew that things turned out the right way, but at the time it smarted nonetheless. While licking my wounds and repairing my ego I found out a bit about myself. I had recently written “You Know” and “He Knows” to a rousing and approving readership. After my disappointment in my situation ebbed my indignity surfaced. I found out what I know. I share it with you now.

I know that he said although I was “attractive” I was “too matronly”. My looks did not “test well” and thus I needed a “change”. At first I was caught up in the idea of getting pictures taken with a high-priced photographer, but then I thought, “What’s wrong with the way I look?” Which grew into, “I am matronly because I am a mother!” And lastly, “I am a writer so what difference does it make what I look like? And, as a mother writing about family, why should I want to erase the image of being a mother?” My husband, in fact, proved to me in ways that I am too much of a lady to write about in these pages that I am not “dowdy” but very sexy. I know he means it.

I was told to lose a substantial amount of weight. I know that I could stand to lose some pouinds and I’m working on doing that. But I also know that my body carried three extraordinary babies, nursed them, and still cares for them. I know I run and play, scoop up crying children,

dance in the rain, and swim in the sunshine. I know that I need to find a healthier weight but, in the meantime, my husband still chooses me.

I was told to be more polished in my overall look. I know that other women have glamorous long nails, get them done professionally weekly, and change the color to match their outfits. I know that and I think that’s wonderfully luxurious for those women. But I know I need to keep my nails short to change diapers, bathe children, and attend to them without “claws”. From doing dishes to mending clothes, I know short nails are not glamorous but they are a necessity, including for typing on my trusty keyboard!

In addition to nails, I was told my hair was “too old”. I know I wear a style that affords me extreme ease of preparation on mornings when time is of the essence. I know that when time permits itself I can create a coif that is spectacular on me. I know that I am blessed with naturally wavy hair so I work with my hair instead of doing things to fight it. I know that it isn’t what is "in style", but I know it is a style that works for me.

I was told that my writings were not all up to snuff. I know that my writing is good. If it wasn’t this prospective business deal would never have been pitched to me. But, more than that, I know that because my readership tells me so. With each pageview, each comment, and each share/Retweet of my work, I am validated as to what kind of writer I am. I was told that the work I was doing was not always universally appealing. That may be, but it is definitely appealing to my readership and that’s what matters to me. I know that if I was to have been allowed to do what I do best the readership would have been there. I know, but he didn’t.

I was told that the work I would be doing I would not be paid. I know that I am worth being seen and thus paid as a professional. I was being wrangled into a situation that was a lot of work for no pay. Jobs were being divvied out to me that others get hired to do. When I inquired about reasonable compensation the deal fell apart. I rehashed the way I went about the situation, but can come up with nothing more than they were trying to get a lot for nothing. I know that I have too much self-worth to let myself be taken advantage of in this business.

I know that I am so blessed to have my family.

That they are the reason my writings are so well received and resonate with so many. I know that I am lucky to have the man I love by my side each day and each night, to walk this path and light my world. I know that I am given a gift each day my work is read as it used to sit in journals for only my eyes to see. I know I get to create works that now get to be consumed by readers, eager for the words, delighted by my sentiments, and longing for the positivity. I know that no matter if another business deal comes down the pike or not, I am paid in the highest form of currency and that is feedback. Having Chief 187 Chatter, a site with my name on it, a place to showcase my words, strengths, fears, weaknesses, character flaws, enthusiasm, passions, and loves is payment enough. Add to that this amazingly loving readership who supports me and my work and I know I am the richest writer in the world.

I know. And I thank you.


  1. I had no idea he had delved so deeply into physical changes. Was he looking to "hire" a fashion model or a writer? Had I known this, my advice would have been different. Be who you are. I'm sure this worked out for the best. I'm sorry for the disappointment, more-so for any self-doubt it may have caused.

  2. An attitude of gratitude goes a long way.

  3. You go girl!, I know its over used, but it works.

  4. You inspire me. I'm a writer myself, but haven't been writing as much. Lately, since reading your blog, all I want to do is write, I am also getting more confident in sharing my writing as well.

  5. You are doing what you want do. You are now a Writer and you are Writing. AND YOU ARE GOOD AT IT. People are reading your WORK and you are BEING NOTICED. You are now getting offers. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
    I am in sales, if someone offered me a job in sales but I wouldn't get paid, I would think, I must be good at what I do if people are approaching me. But if they wanted me to lose weight, cut my hair and change so I could WORK for them for FREE, I would tell them "Thanks for noticing I have a talent, BUT if you noticed my talent, someone else will also see I have talent and will be willing to pay me for it, rather than EXPLOiTING my talent for you to profit from." "I will have to decline your GENEROUS OFFER AT THIS TIME."
    And I am with Racer on this one. With ALL DUE RESPECT to YOU AND HIM, there is no reason for you to change ANYTHING about yourself. You are an attractive woman who has self-confidence. Self-confidence adds 2 points, so on a scale from 1 to 10, you are a 12.

  6. Here's my 2 cents to add to your tip jar. Sad that your appearance wasn't good enough. You live in the real world. Being a mom of small children is tough. If you've got time to do your nails, coify up your hair and have the figure to die for then your kids aren't getting attention. Your hubby obviously thinks your sexy cause he's going to school and working full time and STILL has the time and energy to oogle and grab at you. AND THAT is the biggest testament of all to prove just how awesome you are. You've obviously turned some heads and gotten some peeks in on your work by people who are looking. Only a matter of time till the right door opens for you. Glad you think enough of yourself to pass that particular door by. ROCK ON SISTER!!!!!!!