Celebrate Valentine's Day with Verve!

 

Steeped in history, full of positive emotion, and a chance to shake off the winter doldrums, celebrate Valentine's Day this year with gusto!

Decorate your space, make your Valentine's card/gift list, plan, and shop!

Where should I go to purchase Valentines and Gift?

As always, I recommend the local dollar store to help you stay on budget and still be generous. My go to is the Dollar Tree. They are nationwide and full of great ideas, wonderful values, and beautiful cards - Hallmark cards and Handmade cards are still so reasonable!

But you can supplement with some high-end items like live cut flowers from your favorite florist, homemade chocolates from the neighborhood candy store, lingerie from the town center boutique, and/or an amazing bauble from your hometown jeweler.

These are merely suggestions. Even if all you can do is construct a card from scraps found at home, it's a wonderful gesture!

Making the effort to tell your friends, family, and loved ones how you feel about them is good will that will come back to you tenfold, so start planning now!

There are only a few days until Valentine's Day. Yet, there is more than enough time to make this one the best yet!

Why not take my advice to heart and ENJOY Valentine’s Day this year?

I can help.

Isn’t Valentine’s Day just for overly romantic couples?

Remember that Valentine’s Day is for all kinds of love - familial, friend, newly smitten, long-term, or even loving and honoring yourself. It’s for anyone who loves love.

So, plan the kind of celebration that works for you.

What kind of celebration should I have?

A cute Valentine’s Day tea party with stuffed animals in attendance is adorable with littles in the house.

A cocktail party is fun for friends and family. Choose red and pink beverages (make sure to offer plenty of soft drinks, too).

Heart-shaped pizza party is delightful! Either make your own or purchase from a local pizzeria that could use your business.

Go on a heart scavenger hunt in your home! You’d be surprised how many things resemble hearts - like my potato chip! ❤️

Get some Valentine’s napkins, a box of conversation hearts, and a plan for February 14th in some way, you’ll be so glad you did!

 

 

 

Valentine's Day Is For Everyone

Valentine's Day is on Tuesday, February 14th. It’s nearly impossible not to notice as stores have been decorated and selling merchandise for this day since the day after Christmas.

Florists, confectioners, and jewelers are waiting to sell lovers a token of affection to give their significant others. And, of course, card stores and the United States Post Office are gearing up for the holiday as Valentine's Day remains America's second-most-popular card-sending holiday, behind Christmas.

Several people sighed while reading. This beautiful holiday has lost its meaning for many.

Contrary to pessimistic belief, it is NOT a Hallmark-made-up holiday. It is steeped in rich history and is a lovely day to tell those you love, you LOVE them.

Since the time of the ancient Romans, a mid-February celebration was observed. In addition, there was really a Christian bishop name Valentine who wed young Roman couples at a time when Emperor Claudius II had outlawed marriage. Claudius II found out and had Valentine jailed and sentenced to death.

Valentine was himself in love with a woman and, from his jail cell, penned a final love letter to her signed, “From your Valentine”. Although Valentine was put to death, his story has stood the test of time and with it a legacy of declaring one’s love unabashedly.

Valentine’s Day is NOT just a romantic holiday, but a day to tell ALL of those you love you do so. So, send a Valentine to a parent, a sibling, a dear friend, your crush, your spouse, your child's teacher who he/she loves, and anyone and everyone else.

There is far too much unkindness in this world. The news is full of BAD news. Let's turn the tide - let's spread LOVE!

Make a card, buy a card, pick up a bouquet of flowers, a heart-shaped box of chocolates, yes, a piece of jewelry, or simply tell everyone you know "Happy Valentine's Day"! It can be as simple or elaborate as you care to be or have the means to be. No stress, just LOVE.

My parents have been married 60 years on this Valentine's Day, the day they ELOPED.

Valentine's Day has been celebrated in my home since I was a child and my children know the joys of a wondrous Valentine's Season (Yes, SEASON) and a fun-filled, love-filled Valentine's Day.

Order your heart-shaped pizzas from your local pizzeria. Take the time to profess your love this February 14^th like Valentine did. Take every opportunity to celebrate Valentine’s Day with love and passion.

I implore you, spread the LOVE this Valentine's Day and you'll get it back tenfold.

 

 

 

 

Thirty Years

January 9, 1993

On January 9, 1993, at 20 years old, I said “I do,” to the man I had been in love for six years. He was 23. We were young, naïve, inexperienced, and a bit crazy, but we knew our hearts. We wanted to embark on our married life together.

Thirty years have passed in the blink of an eye. Thirty years that produced three wonderful children. There were endless diaper changes, countless tears, temper tantrums, health scares, life-altering decisions, and love.

Always love.

During these thirty years I’ve acquired wisdom. Although far from “perfect”, we are still happily married. We have faced proverbial Giants, Dragons, and Pandemics and we are still together.

We’ve had doubts, droughts, floods, disappointments, setbacks, and famine, yet we always loved one another.

Always.

Raising children has been richly rewarding and God’s greatest blessing on us. Yet, children are depleting to a romantic relationship. We had to learn to navigate Parenthood without sacrificing Couplehood.

Our three children
December 24, 2022

We chose love.

Always.

We don’t always agree and at times have grown apart. Then, because we love – and like – one another, we find our way back. We choose to stay in love – and together.

Always.

I offer some wisdom to share. Take what works for you.

We are Human.

We are fallible, but we choose love.

Always.

Thirty Years of Married Wisdom

1.       Put the Couple first, above children, above self. The Couple is sacred.

2.       Be an individual. To bring the best to the couple you must live your life. Experience, explore, create, interact. Every day you will have something new to share with your spouse.

3.       Find time for intimacy throughout the days, weeks, months, and years. Intimacy is not solely sex. It’s emotional, it’s physical. It’s trust, comfort, and relaxation with your spouse. Without intimacy, sex is not fulfilling to the Couple.

4.       Make time for sex. Intimate sex. Passionate sex. Quick sex. There should always be time for sex.

5.       Learn that it’s okay to not have sex when you are in pain, exhausted, sick, or not mentally into it. But when these excuses are constant, seek help professionally.

6.       Go to the doctor regularly to stay healthy. Dentist and eye doctors, too. Stay in peak physical condition.

7.       Exercise regularly. Take care of your body and heart and they will take care of you.

8.       Seek professional therapy – marriage and individual if necessary. Learn to communicate better, love yourself more, and strengthen your marriage. Win-Win.

9.       Speak about your spouse in glowing terms around everyone you speak. Never demean your spouse in public. Never air your “dirty laundry”.

10.   Let your spouse overhear you praise him/her. Often.

11.   Talk about problems with your spouse before they fester.

12.   Decide who oversees paying the bills. Both partners should be aware of the home budget and financial goals and live accordingly.

13.   Chores should be fairly distributed. Only you and your spouse can determine what is “fair”.

14.   Hold hands.

15.   Sit together.

16.   Have Date Nights. Or Date Days. Or Date Mornings. They needn’t cost money, it’s about spending time together and making one another the priority.

17.   Learn to compromise. In a Couple, one person isn’t always going to get their way. It’s not 50/50 that makes a couple survive, it’s 100/100.

18.   Learn to have a sense of humor about Life. Life is stressful and dark at times, but laughter can brighten dark times.

19.   Honor your Couple milestones. Wedding anniversaries should be observed with reverence and celebration. EVERY YEAR.

20.   Do things apart. If one of you enjoys something the other does not, spend time apart so the individuals in the Couple can enjoy their recreational time.

21.   Do things together. Find a few things to do together that bring you both joy and enhance the Couple.

22.   Be kind to your spouse’s parents/family. If you love your spouse, it makes sense to love – or like – his/her family. There are always extreme exceptions, but overall, it doesn’t hurt to be kind, friendly, and loving.

23.   Fighting is part of marriage. When you stop communicating, it’s over. But fighting should have a time when you each listen to one another and figure out what’s going on, and there should be a resolution.

24.   Sing together. There should be at least a few songs you both enjoy. Belt them out in the car, in the shower, or whenever it makes you happy.

25.   Be patient. We all learn Life’s lessons at different paces. Allow your spouse time to navigate Life.

26.   Compliment one another.

27.   Complement one another.

28.   Bring one another coffee, tea, water, seltzer… Small acts of kindness are vitally important.

29.   Reminisce about how your fell in love, your wedding, and other early romantic milestones often. These keep the Couple aware of their powerful connection. Continue to make new romantic milestones that keep the marriage enduring.

30.   Kiss, always.

 

There are so many other nuggets of wisdom, but these made my top list.

As our 30^th Anniversary is upon us, I am most thankful our marriage has endured.

I’m thankful for all the help we’ve gotten to get to this point. Help from our parents and families, from our children and our friends. We also have had tremendous help from two therapists, two 12-Step Programs, and a stubborn belief that we belong together.

We are better together.

We love each other.

Always.

December 24, 2022

New Year's Eve 2023

New Year’s Eve is like the Rock Star of the Holidays! It is full of glitz and glamour, music and partying, and a huge kiss-worthy celebration at midnight.

Or it’s not.

For every person who parties like the former, there are scores of people who refuse.

New Year’s Eve is also a wonderful evening to spend safely tucked in at home. You can have a small get-together if you like, it’s fun to share the holiday with friends and neighbors, family and loved ones as you ring in a new year.

Foods can range from leftovers from Christmas week to appetizers and desserts since no one cares about a sit-down dinner on December 31^st.

But even if you hold up at home, alone, and want to honor this change of calendar, there is much to do if you care to participate.

If you have children who are too young to make it to midnight (or you yourself are), find celebrations in other parts of the world where it has turned midnight and 2023 has already arrived. Australia, Egypt, Germany, or anywhere that is in a time zone before ours. It’s an educational research project that can expand to HOW that country celebrates – traditions they observe, foods they eat, etc. – and allows for broadening of one’s horizons without leaving home. Plus, by celebrating before midnight comes here, you get to go to bed at a “decent” hour. Sounds like a Win Win!

With the end of a year, it is a great time to create a Time Capsule. Find a container that you don’t mind storing in your home that will be off limits for a few years or up to a decade. Fill it with a newspaper from December 31, 2022, and other ‘artifacts’ that are indicative of the times we’ve just lived. I don’t recommend putting in the latest iPhone, but you could throw in a defunct iPhone IV, other tech that doesn’t work but once did, and other items that show what was popular (posters, magazines, greeting cards), useful, and a part of YOUR life or that of your family’s. It’s a cool process to assemble a Time Capsule, and even more exciting to open it in the future. Just make sure you remember where you place it, so it doesn’t get lost forever.

Another way to honor the end of the year is to write a letter to your future self. It could start, “Dear Me in 2033”. You can include information of who you are now but can also encapsulate the hopes and dreams you have for your future. No one is too old for this project as having goals, hopes, and dreams keep us all motivated. The letter should be completely private, so you are totally honest with yourself. Let your mind wander and tap its most cherished dreams. Then, write it down so you can start working towards it. Powerful.

As for New Year’s Resolutions, I’m not a big fan. I know that most get forgotten by January 13, never to be tackled again until December 31^st when people think of the same hateful things – 1. Lose weight 2. Become a millionaire 3. Marry a millionaire…  And so on.

Perhaps you need to honor yourself in a different way. It needn’t be written down, but it can be. Forgive yourself. Yes, as a new year dawns, go into it free of self-loathing. Instead of telling yourself to Lose Weight, simply tell yourself to look in the mirror and love yourself. Then, make a small decision that you can manage like, walk 10 minutes more per day. That’s it, just walk. By the end of January, you’ll be feeling more energetic and want to add more time to that. You’ll start making better food choices – no food after 7p, especially junk food. Or, add an apple or veggies to meal.

Baby steps, lifestyle changes, nothing drastic that leaves one feeling deprived. It’s about feeling better about yourself NOW, not when you lose 30 pounds. Love who you are, forgive yourself the trespasses you feel you’ve done, and start 2023 with a renewed passion for YOU. Be kinder to yourself, be kinder to others, be accepting, and soon, your disposition will change for the better. Now that’s a New Year’s Resolution you can stick to!

Are you saddened that New Year’s Day means the end of the Christmas holidays? Do you abhor taking the Christmas tree down, undecorating your home, and having the absence of light?

Here are some recommendations. First, make undecorating the tree as festive as decorating it! Call some people up who you actually like to come over and help with this tedious chore. Offer beer and pizza, Chinese take-out and wine, or simply Christmas cookies and hot cocoa. They’ll appreciate getting out of their house, and with your task, many hands make for light work, and then you are left with the chore finished.

Let’s tackle the absence of (artificial) light. If you love the home decorated with lights, leave some up! Or, buy some now with the deep discounts at the stores (already 70% off or more in many locations) and put some up in your living room, dining room, bedroom, or kitchen. It’s YOUR HOME, decorate it the way you want.

Create a winter scene post-Christmas with snowflake ornaments and white twinkling lights. For Valentine’s Day, put up heart ornaments and red lights. The possibilities are endless and will help brighten the dark winter that lay ahead.

The New Year’s celebrations are waiting to be had; however, you want to observe them. And, although Christmas is ending for 2022, it is never over. Christmas is a year-round season and feeling if you allow it to be.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year 2023 and best to you all year long!

 

 

Angels

As 2022 comes to a close in a couple short weeks, we take time to reflect on what a year it was, what we learned, and how we want to proceed into 2023.

As the Christmas holiday is upon us next week, we find we have been surrounding ourselves with favorite things. Nutcrackers, toy trains, snowmen, and various other symbols of the season adorn our homes, our Christmas trees, and ease our mind. They are powerful reminders of happier times, family, celebration, and togetherness.

These symbols have the power to make the world a better place.

How?

Let’s explore.

Angels. Surround yourself with Angels.

Many - most? - cultures and religions agree that Angels exist. They are a common thread in our shared Humanity.

There is something comforting about the presence of Angels in our lives.

We are not alone.

I’ll say it again...

We are not alone.

In a time when people are questioning their beliefs and faith, it’s vital to understand that we are surrounded by Angels.

A line from Miracle on 34th Street,

 

“Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.”

 

I believe.

I believe in Santa Claus, an Angel in my life.

And I surely believe in Angels.

If you are struggling with your faith in your religion, the government, Humanity, or God, talk to someone. It’s not easy but necessary. You are worth the effort.

Look for the Angels, they surround us daily. They volunteer, they wear uniforms, they smile brightly, hold our hands when we are scared or sad. They speak words of comfort and peace.

Angels are people. People are Angels.

I surround myself with Angels - year-round - and try to mirror what I can.

Surround yourself with Angels.

Be one.

The world can be and IS a better place if we just believe.

Santa Claus. Believe in Santa Claus. 🎅🏻

That’s right, Believe.

I understand for many that belief ended years even decades ago, but it’s time to reevaluate.

Santa Claus has been around for over 1700 years. His importance and presence have waxed and waned in many cultures over the centuries, but he has survived and thrived and still has a vital and powerful role in society.

As stated in Miracle on 34th Street (I’m quoting this again),

“Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.”

I believe. Maybe you can again. Here are some reasons why believing in Santa Claus is not only great but helpful:

Santa Claus is omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipotent (all-powerful) and uses his knowledge and power for GOOD. That’s incredible in any era, but a beautiful and important fact for this 21st Century year of 2022.

Santa Claus is SELFLESS. He acts FOR OTHERS. He is a model for human decency, charity, and compassion.

Santa Claus is LOVING and CARING. He may keep a “Naughty List” but when it comes down to it, he gives children myriad opportunities to change for the better. He’s patient, wise, forgiving, and kind to a fault. He wants us to succeed. He wants us to thrive. He wants to spoil us. He has faith we will mend our ways and behave for goodness’ sake.

Santa Claus’ Generosity of Spirit knows no bounds. He wants to make our Christmas wishes come true. In addition, he wants us to help make others Christmas wishes come true. He hopes we work in tandem with him to provide children whose families can’t to have a Merry Christmas. He prays we follow in his actions to provide for those in our communities who can’t.

If we all believed in Santa Claus fervently, perhaps our communities - our shared Humanity - would be thriving, too.

I believe. Won’t you please join me in believing in Santa Claus, too?

Be the one you long to have in your life. Emulate the ideal and the ripple effects will be powerful resulting in like behaviors.

After our Christmas/Holiday symbols are safely tucked away in storage until next year, let’s remember the positive effects they have when we allow them to work through us. Truly our wishes of “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” will reverberate the entire year through if we keep the message in our hearts and not stowed away with the decorations.

 

 

How Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward Saved Me By: Candice Smith

 

Recently I took the six hours needed to watch Ethan Hawke’s documentary called The Last Movie Stars (HBO Max) and was blown away.

If you don’t know who Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were and are, then research needs to occur before reading this piece any further. For the rest of us, these two were a part of the fabric of my American upbringing. I knew their movies, I knew their love story, I knew their politics, his racing, her theater, and their philanthropy. I thought.

Watching this comprehensive documentary with their words, their children, and their images completely transformed how I looked at them as individuals, as a couple, and, more importantly to me, how I looked at myself.

Like many in the world, my first world, I suffer. I suffer with self-esteem issues. I suffer from mental issues. I suffer from the post-COVID world. I suffer from having teenagers. I suffer from anything and everything and nothing at all.

Watching Newman and Woodward on my television for six hours brought a profound understanding, a clarity that I had heretofore never experienced in my life. Ever.

They were enraptured with one another when they met. Their passion ebbed and flowed but never disappeared.

They were equally impressed with one another’s talent, perhaps more he than her.

She sacrificed to raise a family, his and theirs. She did it brilliantly if not perfectly, but it wasn’t the path she would choose again perhaps.

He was an alcoholic. She stayed despite the pain, uncertainty, and boorishness it brought.

He took up racing at 47 years of age. She rooted him on race after race.

They were a couple, a team, a family.

And, yet they were pulled together and apart like any marriage.

They continued to reinvent themselves.

They continued to make mistakes. The same mistakes.

They loved, hard.

They shared tragedy.

They shared joy.

They shared recipes with America and made millions for charity when no one else was doing this. Is ANYONE doing it even now besides them?

And while watching and learning and gleaning and sitting transfixed, I couldn’t help feeling good about myself.

Good about my marriage.

Good about my future.

You see, I’m nothing like them, and I’m everything like them.

My marriage is happy and joyful and flawed and terrible.

My desire to reinvent myself shows promise and then winds back onto itself to normalcy.

Creatures of habit.

My world has been dark of late. Problems that will remain unnamed yet are real and heavy and robbers of joy.

They affect my marriage, my family life, my serenity.

But, by seeing that Newman and Woodward had problems, too, I see a different perspective. That they suffered and endured. They reveled in one another and persevered, I am able to feel an optimism that has escaped me for far too long.

Perhaps I’d held myself, my husband, our marriage, and our family to far too high a standard.

We’re doing pretty great, thanks.

Oh, we still have problems, we’ll still fight, and we’ll be grumpy, scared, and over it, but we’ll never quit.

See, we love each other.

We’re imperfectly perfect for one another.

We love our children, our home, our lives, and each other.

And, if two crazy movie stars can muddle their way through life and keep a marriage together for 50 years, there’s no telling what two regular people like my husband and I can do – we’re nearly through the first thirty years!

So, thank you Ethan Hawke for saying yes to the project and putting a human light on two of Hollywood’s biggest deities.

Thank you, Newman children, for opening up about your parents, their story through your eyes, and for letting us know how much you loved your flawed parents.

And, thank you Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, for doing your thing for all of those decades. Right or wrong, good or bad, love or hate, drunk or sober, knowledgeable or ignorant, you provided one type of roadmap for this lady to consult when she’s feeling lost.

Lost I felt – and will feel again, no doubt – but this documentary about your lives makes me feel that whatever Life throws my way, I can navigate it with my husband by my side.

Thanks.

 

 

And Still We Remember By: Candice Smith

 

Time stood still.

No one moved or breathed.

No one believed that The Intimidator was mortal.

Certainly he’d walk away from what looked initially like an innocuous hit into the wall.

This was Daytona, the track that Earnhardt won consistently at and even had captured a 500 victory three years previously.

A collective gasp was heard.

Hearts sunk.

Mourning began.

A line was drawn – events that happened before February 18, 2001 and after.

The day Dale Earnhardt died.

Accidents happen, but he’d always walked away able to race the next time.

Lives forever changed that fateful day.

Healing began.

Dale Earnhardt will never be forgotten.

His indelible mark is as palpable today as it was then.

Perhaps more.

Then Earnhardt had as many detractors as fans. Fans would boo, jeer, and argue what a terrible competitor he was. A cheat, some would say, or a thug on the race track. Fans of Mark Martin, Rusty Wallace, Darrell Waltrip, and many other drivers couldn’t stand Earnhardt.

But when he was gone the enormity of Earnhardt’s death reverberated across NASCAR Nation and beyond.

Flags still fly proudly with the “No. 3” and Dale Earnhardt signature. His fans – ardent, loyal, passionate – still remember.

Always.

He was so much more than a NASCAR star.

Earnhardt was a sports icon, a business entrepreneur, a  farmer, a sponsor’s dream, a winning driver, a champion who tied King Richard Petty’s seven championships.

Earnhardt was a jokester, a fierce competitor, and a loyal friend.

He was a husband, business partner, hunter, and a father.

His legacy has made him immortal.

The name Earnhardt will forever be associated with racing – NASCAR –  and a host of positive things in the world as his family’s reach is constantly expanding.

Twenty years later and the landscape has changed immensely.

The one thing that has not changed is the allegiance shown by Earnhardt fans. There are endless stories of how Earnhardt touched their lives.

Others have entire rooms filled with Earnhardt memorabilia.

What every one of those fans has in common is their love, admiration, and adulation of Dale Earnhardt.

Twenty years on, as much that has changed, the Earnhardt fans stay the same.