Wednesday, August 2, 2017

50 (+2) Actual Ways to Leave Your Lover, Part I: The Men

As many great ideas begin, I was in the car during this year's Spring Break going down to South Carolina. Family time means a lot of music time and invariably Paul Simon's "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" came on the iPhone playlist.

My husband and I both like the song, but we always, and I mean always,argue about the content. My husband complains endlessly that Simon never actually came up with 50 ways. I counter that the song suggests there must be 50 ways and Simon offered a few. It is a common refrain between the two of us and has been for over a quarter century.

This year it became apparent that I had to help Simon complete the song up to my husband's high standards. Fifty specific ways for a man or a woman to leave his/her lover.

I've broken the list into two parts. First, how He can leave his lover. I came up with 26 ways, one for each letter of the alphabet. Tomorrow night I'll publish the other 26 ways for Her to leave her lover.

And now, without further ado,  the first 26 of 52 Ways to Leave Your Lover (with all credit to Paul Simon for the title and concept).

 1. Slide in your McLaren, Aaron
 2. Get in your truck, Buck
 3. Leave Hell and find some bliss, Chris
 4. Pack Your mug, Doug/ Don't make a scene, Dean
 5. Go the opposite of where she go, Enrico
 6. Stop the lovin' and avoid, Floyd
 7. Don't make it hairy, Gary, just get away
 8. Tell her she's a skank, Hank
 9. That you're too busy, Izzy
10. And you're not coming back, Jack
11. Put on a smirk, Kirk, and set yourself free
12. Don't tarry, Larry
13. Get out of park, Mark
14. Pack up your bed, Ned
15. No need to be jolly, Ollie
16. Tell her you gave it your all, Paul
17. There's no need for hintin', Quentin
18. Just get yourself out of the ditch, Rich
19. Drop her off at the mall, Saul, and never look back
20. Tell her she's out of your head, Ted
21. She's full of bunk, Unc
22. It's time to get a new trick, Vic
23. Don't dally, Wally
24. You can't save her, Xavier
25. Push up your sleeves, Ives
26. Don't ever come back, Zach

Tune in tomorrow to read the 26 ways for Her to leave her lover.

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