Family Ties

They are leaving today, my parents. Each June they arrive from Florida and stay in their summer lake house, a mere 7 minutes away from me, and stay until the autumn leaves begin to change colors. Today is departure day. They've been with us in the house the last week so they could spend more time with their grandchildren and it's been great. And it hasn't. It is difficult to have house guests when the school year has begun. Schedules are disrupted, children don't want to go to school because they "might miss something fun", and behaviors become unusual.
I am the guilty party when it comes to altered behaviors. I adore my parents and have a terrific relationship with them. It is stressful, however, to have them live with me for an extended period. Being the middle generation (parents above you/children below) is an exhausting station, at least the way I handled it this week. I tried to be "every woman" and that just left me burned out. I need to remember more to simply live and enjoy and not let little stressors get in the way of my ultimate happiness. I spent so much of yesterday in a bad mood. Nothing seemed to go the way I had planned/visualized in my head. I was holding on to expectations, frustrated by my own limitations, annoyed with a cranky baby who would not nap, and holding myself back from joy. All the while I knew these were the last hours to spend quality time with my parents who I will not see until December for Christmas. It wasn't until the late afternoon that I exhaled, literally and figuratively, and was able to sit back and enjoy the family ties that I belong. My mother, nursing a terrible cold, never complaining but obviously suffering, enjoys music. I logged on to Youtube and found several of her all-time favorite songs performed by the original artists she enjoys. This delighted her to no end and even made her cry because she simply loves the music. I found I react to music in much the same way. I saw the family tie yesterday and that was a priceless gift I was able to see when I relaxed. Later my father and I ran to the local Chinese take out for dinner. As we waited for the order we shared serious conversation about life. When you are the youngest of three children it is nice to have alone time with your dad! When we arrived home we shared a delicious and fun dinner with the family, including my newly divorced brother who may be leaving the state in the near future. We ate, laughed, talked, and lingered long after my children were excused from the table. Later that night, after the children were tucked into bed, including the cranky baby, I stayed up far too late to watch television with my parents (Mad Men). These are the memories I will take with me moving forward. The impromptu dinners, casual and not associated with holidays or birthdays, are the ones that will stick out in my mind's eye and connect me to my family. Quality time spent one-on-one with my folks that energizes me and strengthens our ties. I can beat myself up for wasting so much of the day with my terrible attitude, but this is counter-productive. At least I ended the day in a good mood making lasting memories.

So as I send them on their way I once again have a heavy heart and wish I could turn back the clock. But my clock ticks relentlessly. I am looking forward to normalcy reigning once again, but there is that part of me, the child within, who is sad and lonely and already missing her family ties.