Anger

I have a problem with anger. All too often I let anger get the best of me. I allow those around me to trigger my anger rather than learn to "unplug". Anger renders me irrational, loud, and curt. My blood pressure boils over and I fume. I do not like feeling this way and I want to change.
Anger has a place in our lives. When we are wronged, ignored, misunderstood, or crossed maliciously anger is the proper response. What I object to is how anger takes over my sensible brain for far too long a sojourn. I need to learn how to express my feelings in a more precise, rational format so as to use my anger constructively and not harmfully.
When I try to dig deeper and look what causes the anger, I typically find there is more going on in me. Usually I am scared and feeling helpless or overwhelmed in my situation. When I feel powerless I turn to the powerful blast of anger that seems to clear a path, but actually just leaves a wake of hurt and sadness. I'm learning that to break this unhealthy response, I need to empower myself.
Usually I hang on to guilt and "fault". "I'm sorry" is my mantra and "it's all my fault" is constantly falling out of my mouth. This "martyr syndrome" is self prescribed and so very counter-productive. Those around me whom I care for and about are individuals capable of leading their own lives and taking responsibility for their own actions. When I surrender to the fact that I cannot change others, I can only change my reactions to them, I will be in a healthier place. The only person I can change is me. I need to do the work needed to make my own happiness, live healthfully, and allow others to succeed or fail without attaching their victories and defeats to my self-esteem.
I'm not foolish enough to think that anger should be eradicated. I do feel anger can be a positive in certain situations. That anger can be a catalyst to communication and ultimately to change. But I know the anger I am expressing is often misplaced, wholly too intense, and frightfully raw. As I am a parent and thus a teacher to the younger generation, I need to learn how to reign in my anger, express it more appropriately, and model ways to communicate effectively the reasons for my displeasure. Tall orders when I'm "seeing red", but vastly important to providing a healthy environment for my family.
With a shaky economy, long-term marriage, three children, a home always needing repair, and the stresses those elements bring, I've taken to the shortcut anger provides rather than take the time to examine why my life seems spiraling out of control at times. When I take a few minutes to decompress and explore my emotions I find that these stressors are real, but they are manageable.
Most who see me would not imagine I have an "issue" with anger. To that I simply reply, I am human. What I have going for me is the willingness to change and the notion that things are out of kilter. I'm finding outlets to work on this "character flaw" and am making huge inroads. Anger will always have a place in my life, but I will not let it define me nor will I allow it to dictate. I am working toward embracing the power within to live a more contented and healthy life. Care to join me?